You Are Not Trash.
A Personal Creative Expression: My journey of getting out of the dumps.
You Are Not Trash: A Personal Creative Expression
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Taking Out the Trash That Holds Us Down
Lately, I've been on quite a journey. I've been noticing trends, transitions, and overarching themes in my life. A current theme I've observed is the process of letting go of people, places, and things that made us feel like trash. I've been feeling a lot lighter since the end of June after coming to these terms.
Part of this shift involves focusing on my health; for the past five years, I've battled chronic pain that went untreated. I'm finally feeling better after getting the professional help I needed. I've also been decluttering, letting go of items that kept piling up. I've started listening to podcasts that make me giggle and consuming less shallow or darker content, genuinely focusing on uplifting my mind. I finally committed to complimentary mindset coaching that had been offered to me for three years! I kept ignoring it, but then I finally said, "Fuck it, I’m going to do it." Guess what? I am so excited for the next session. I'm completely nerding out on neuroscience, and even met someone who is teaching me how my creativity is my medicine, not a curse. Being a creative is great until no one wants to pay you for your skillset, and you have no idea what to do for work. This can leave you feeling defeated and extremely worthless. However! I was reminded that people aren't blessed with how I see the world, and I wouldn’t want to give that blessing away. I love my perspective and how I see beauty and creativity in EVERYTHING!
It is my medicine; I can escape into so many creative flows and outlets with my writing, visual perspective, and vibrant mind. It’s how I can be so in tune with my truest self. I wouldn’t know what to do if I couldn't create.
Back to the Trash Talk
Let’s talk about the trash we’ve held onto and finally taking it out. I've noticed this theme with myself and a few friends as we’re all going through it, taking our life trash out together. I've been in the dumps for A WHILE. I've felt like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street, consuming the scraps and letting people, atmospheres, opinions, and clutter dump a lot of smelly shit on me. I've been deep in a landfill with piles of waste all over me for years now. It’s truly hard to tell when it started, and I'd even started believing I was deserving of feeling this way all the time. I knew it was piling up; I just didn’t see an escape, and I simply couldn’t handle the stink anymore.
So, what exactly is my garbage? It’s self-doubt, low self-esteem, no confidence, fear of failure, believing I was incapable, self-sabotage, consuming harmful content, feeding into unhealthy habits, people-pleasing, self-isolating, feeling numb… the list goes on. It got to be so much, piling so high, that I started to believe that that's what I was: a pile of trash. I grew grouchy, angry, and jealous. I started to reek and stink up the place with my bad attitude and even sought out environments I knew I'd outgrown a long time ago. The sickening part, I was actually becoming comfortable with the smell; it was becoming unnoticeable. I sat in it for a while and let it simmer in the thick, humid heat.
Finally, something clicked, and I decided it was time to get rid of some clutter. I don't know what sparked the decision to take it out, possibly being tired of old habits and watching time linger by. TBH, I think I was exhausted from smelling my funk every single day. Thankfully, past, motivated Erica, "Go Getter Erica," had planned a professional trip and essentially forced me back into faking confidence and getting me out of the dumps. I traveled to Colorado, stepped out of my comfort zone of feeling worthless, and did something truly for myself.
Being Repurposed
It was the reset and cleanse I desperately needed. I needed to be around ambition, inspired spirits, innovation, and joy. I relished in that wave of refreshment you feel when you surround yourself with the right environment of people, place, play, and energy. I am coming back to who I was meant to be, having soul-filling conversations, connecting with others on a heart-to-heart level, loving myself, and believing in me. I was no longer in the dumps, feeling forgotten and waiting to be set aflame. I was being repurposed and reminded that my light and creativity are meant to be seen.
My Colorado trip took me out of the dumps temporarily, but I had major post-trip blues settling back into reality. I had a hard time adjusting because I was starkly reminded of the piles of trash I'd left behind. I simply didn’t want to live in the landfill anymore. During the trip, I surrounded myself with people, places, energy, and vibrancy that I wanted to be a part of all the time. It helped me take action for my mental space and empowered me to let go of the people, habits, and atmosphere that make me feel trashy and hold me down. I want to feel vibrant and sparkle again, so I’ve decided to focus on my mental, physical, spiritual, and financial health. To do that, I need to remove all the trash that affects it. I removed a man who no longer served me, I’m letting go of people who bring down my energy, I deleted social media off my home screen, seeing a chiropractor for my neck pain, finding relief for my chronic condition, and sharing my love and my favorite experiences with friends who are deserving of it. I’ve started finding holistic relief and professional help for some of my life trash that was harder to remove on my own. My body is beginning to feel repurposed again from the hard work. I feel lighter, brighter, and refreshed. I understand my pain is temporary if I put in the work to heal. Instead of feeling like trash, I am actively taking it out and letting it go for good!
We are not trash, but the trash we hold onto can make us believe we are.
Remember, we are not trash, but the trash we hold onto can make us believe we are. Get out into nature, release your junk. Be with people who make you feel loved and match your energy! Do a brave trip to give you the reset you need. We are beautiful, loving creatures who need one another to uplift us and support our purpose, not to be with those who make us feel less than. Go spread the love and take out your trash.
Peace + love, Erica ❤️
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